To me, and I'm sure, many others, senior citizens have always been funny. They have eccentric personalities, and, very often, are subject to jokes and humor. Yes, senior citizens hilarious. But, are they criminals? Are there poor, harmless senior citizens that actually break the law? Yes, there are, and these are the 6 most amazing.
6. The Library Vandalism
5. The SLA Graffitist
So, imagine this guy. This seventy-one year old guy named Charles Ignatius Wesley that spray paints the same three letters on every signpost he can get his hands on: SLA. Now, what does this stand for? It stands for “Sane Liberated Americans”. This senior citizen claims to have had a vision from God, who told him to create this political party. According to current statistics, Wesley is the sole member of this party. It’s a good thing we don’t have him running for President, writing poems for police officers while he’s getting arrested (true story).
4. “The Mad Hatter Thieves”
"The Mad Hatter Thieves” is a group of elderly women that are responsible for numerous accounts of robberies and purse-snatching events. Imagine your senior lady physically snatching your purse and running away with it. These sixty-seventy year old women actually do this. Lowest point of your life- being mugged by your granny. What’s even better is that they all wear these strange, easily identifiable hats. These hats are so weird and comical that most people can easily recognize a member of this group. Despite this, not one single “Mad Hatter Thief” has been caught. The police have estimated that the total worth of the stolen stuff equals to over $500,000. Who let the grannies out? Who? Who? Who?
3. “The Geezer Bandit”
The “Geezer Bandit” is a notorious, sunglasses-wearing, baseball cap-wearing, seventy-year-old man. This old man has robbed at least 16 banks so far, making him HUGE. This guy wears sunglasses and a cap, like a gangster and robs banks. But get this, this should-be-retired oldie has not been caught. He is currently wanted by the FBI, with a $20,000 prize for anyone that can provide information leading to his arrest. In February 2011, he was highlighted on America’s Most Wanted. There is only one thing left to say: Congrats, Grandpa!
2. The Old Lady Serial Thief
May Jones is a proud grandmother of four. What she doesn’t tell people, however, is that she is also a kleptomaniac, having obsessively shoplifted over $55,000 worth of clothes. The police finally caught her, but needed the entire floor of a large gym to display all the stolen clothes. She made up the classic senior citizen excuse- that she didn’t remember any stealing- but her impressive, decorated collection of clothes, still in their original packing, proved to be a strong rebuttal.
1. The Grandmother Mobster
Darlene Mayes is the head of a huge, drug operation. When the police finally raided her house, they found $278,000 in cash, illegal arms, and four pounds of marijuana. What is even more surprising is that Mayes is a seventy-three-year-old grandmother. She reportedly controlled 40% of the drug trade in her area. This is surprising because, at her age, most people can’t even control 40% of their bowel movements. Coolest grandma ever!
6. The Library Vandalism
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| Joy Cassidy |
How many times have you have icy run-ins with the library staff over late books or fines? Have you ever wanted to do something in revenge? Well, seventy- five-year-old Joy Cassidy took it to the next level. For over two years, she destroyed $2,000 worth of books by putting ketchup, mayonnaise, honey, and corn syrup into a library’s drop box. The police finally caught her, trying to empty a full jar of mayonnaise into the box. She was banned from every library in the state. Every ten-year-old in the state that hates books and libraries probably begged for her autograph.
5. The SLA Graffitist
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| A post, bearing the SLA symbol |
4. “The Mad Hatter Thieves”
"The Mad Hatter Thieves” is a group of elderly women that are responsible for numerous accounts of robberies and purse-snatching events. Imagine your senior lady physically snatching your purse and running away with it. These sixty-seventy year old women actually do this. Lowest point of your life- being mugged by your granny. What’s even better is that they all wear these strange, easily identifiable hats. These hats are so weird and comical that most people can easily recognize a member of this group. Despite this, not one single “Mad Hatter Thief” has been caught. The police have estimated that the total worth of the stolen stuff equals to over $500,000. Who let the grannies out? Who? Who? Who?
3. “The Geezer Bandit”
The “Geezer Bandit” is a notorious, sunglasses-wearing, baseball cap-wearing, seventy-year-old man. This old man has robbed at least 16 banks so far, making him HUGE. This guy wears sunglasses and a cap, like a gangster and robs banks. But get this, this should-be-retired oldie has not been caught. He is currently wanted by the FBI, with a $20,000 prize for anyone that can provide information leading to his arrest. In February 2011, he was highlighted on America’s Most Wanted. There is only one thing left to say: Congrats, Grandpa!
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| The Geezer Bandit |
May Jones is a proud grandmother of four. What she doesn’t tell people, however, is that she is also a kleptomaniac, having obsessively shoplifted over $55,000 worth of clothes. The police finally caught her, but needed the entire floor of a large gym to display all the stolen clothes. She made up the classic senior citizen excuse- that she didn’t remember any stealing- but her impressive, decorated collection of clothes, still in their original packing, proved to be a strong rebuttal.
1. The Grandmother Mobster
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| Darlene Mayes |
Darlene Mayes is the head of a huge, drug operation. When the police finally raided her house, they found $278,000 in cash, illegal arms, and four pounds of marijuana. What is even more surprising is that Mayes is a seventy-three-year-old grandmother. She reportedly controlled 40% of the drug trade in her area. This is surprising because, at her age, most people can’t even control 40% of their bowel movements. Coolest grandma ever!
(You may now applaud)
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